It's been a while

five elephant

Have you missed me?

I have.

Perhaps it was when I sat myself down on the tall wooden stool by the window seat to have my second coffee of the day when it became apparent.

I was in Berlin - Mitte, on my own. Doing something I had not done for months on months. And so I sipped my coffee, played with the chocolate brown sausage dog named Sally at my feet and I wrote. Black scribbled ink and tangents and thoughts unleashed on parchment paper.

I realised I missed writing and that I didn’t write anymore.

I was in Stockholm a few days after that where I met three incredible ladies. One from Germany, one from Sweden and one from Japan. It was by happenstance that I had stumbled across an ikebana workshop that was going to be held for free that night.

And so I sat there for three hours, pruning flowers and twigs and exchanging life-stories and listening to life lessons with three women who couldn’t be any more different from each other than they were.

I realised I missed sharing stories and I didn’t share mine anymore.

A few months later and I turned twenty-five. It was like an odd revelation. I started missing who I used to be, the things I used to do that I no longer made time for and the things I wanted to do that I still never made time for. It was constant battle between who I missed being and who I wanted to be.

Over the past few months my time has been spent hopping in and out of airplanes, throwing suitcases into the back of station wagons and flagging down taxis, half awake with sleep still in my eyes. 

I have spent it resting my head on different pillows, resting my eyes and resting my soul. Making constant efforts to reclaim myself. Creating art and getting messy and writing fiction and reading books that had piled up on my bedside table. Nurturing parts of me that hadn’t seen the sun in years.

I have sought balance in amongst a hectic schedule, worked to maintain the bubble of excitement and anticipation and strength to keep moving forward and have fought the urge to let sickness and sleep overtake me. I have spent my time working fucking hard - both professionally and on myself.

Friendships and relationships have become ever more apparent in the short times that I get to spend at home and I feel as though my world view has shifted - or rather has progressed, with a more solid base at my feet.

This blog was originally launched as an avenue for writing and capturing moments. And as good as my tips on where to find the best ice cream in Perth were, or where to shop in Northbridge, I felt like I was always on the cusp of creating something that would truly engage and inspire and I’d fall short because I was afraid of letting it become something more.

I realised I had been trying to maintain some sort of persona, publishing for the sake of publishing - detached and held back with just enough genuineness that it passed for something.

I have spent the better part of the last two years learning, reading, travelling, re-discovering and searching. I have spent it seeking to understand what it means to love myself and be myself. I’m not even half way there and by no means am I done. This is just the beginning. And this is where I will document it.